Captain Tortellini
Real name Simon Valerie Moorhead, Tort is a 20 year old useless Calamity employee. Known best for being dimwitted and looking for love in all the wrong places, Tort has never been known for moderation, having four children, several addictions, and quite a few lovers at the same time. He's a constant failure at life, a huge coward and a crybaby, and has an unusual ability to re-grow "that certain part of the male body". Early Years Taken from his parents at an early age, Tort remembers little of them. However, he remembers his mother to be a loving woman and thinks of her often. He had the privilege of becoming the second Captain unit during his teen age years, and had both his arms and legs replaced with mechanical ones due to an earlier failed experiment. These parts are extremely strong, and Tort does his best to keep a light hand, not wanting to hurt others. He also has a partial robot brain, a very small portion that commands his obedience (should it be activated) and stores some of his more tragic memories. After his escape from System Corps, he found his way into 1919, where he began his life as an antagonist and the polar opposite to Cannoli. Where as Cannoli fought for Justice and good, Tortellini would cause Injustice and do bad. Tortellini's attempts at evil were laughed at, and he was teased daily. Although he wouldn't admit it, he was highly jealous of Cannoli and wanted nothing more than acceptance into 1919. It wasn't long before one of Cannoli's soldiers caught Tort's eye. Relationships The mother of Tort's children welcomed Tortellini's romantic advances, and it wasn't long after that Tort gave up his failed attempts for world domination and began a relationship with her. She turned out to be a highly sexual partner, and Tortellini a fast learner. Soon, she became pregnant with Tortellini's child, and she later gave birth to a young Zurg daughter, whom they named Macavity (aka Cadet Macaroni). She and Tortellini's relationship would grow to be a rocky one, for although she was Tortellini's first love, he became curious and unfaithful. For a long while, Tortellini spent his time with male lovers, none of whom he could remain faithful to. Cadet Calamari was the first, and after him were Dilsu and Addison. Calamari was sweet and gentle, and Tort spent much of his time caring for him and being a loving partner. In the early days of their relationship, Tort was tricked by Cal's evil twin brother to whom he lost his secondary virginity. Dilsu became his lover later, and although Tort held feelings for him, he thought they made better friends than lovers. Dilsu remained in love with Tort, even though Tort would only play on-and-off games with him. Addison was there when Tortellini needed him most, picking Tort up after his emotional situations. However, Tort was unable to keep things together with Addison too. Tortellini again returned to his first, and for a while things seemed to be going well. She became pregnant again, and gave birth to triplets, whom they named Miguel, Milagritos, and Martin (their cadet names being Minestrone, Mellone, and Martini). Although Tort had finally decided to settle down with the baby mama, she was mistrustful of him, and she believed he would leave again. The two once more became distant, and before long they separated. Tort, never able to stay single for very long, set his eyes upon Addison and Calamari's son, a young man named Jude. It took some work, but eventually the two started a relationship, one that Tortellini is determined to make work. The baby mama, deciding to distance herself from Tortellini further, left him and Jude with all four kids, calling it an "instant-family". The children were upset, having known nothing but instability from their birth. Tort became upset as well, overwhelmed by the children and unsure of how to raise them. Jude stepped up to the plate and began parenting the children properly, but the kids were resistant and refused to listen until Tortellini was forced to step up as well. Putting his foot down for possibly the first time in his life, Tort explained the situation to the children and told them how things were, and how things were going to be. Jude and Tort live together now, with the four children. As Jude has moved into the more dominant role, Tort has accepted his fate as the mother. He's finally settling down, and has been threatened with death should he hurt Jude. Vices Along with exhibiting his healthy libido, Tort also has quite a few other addictions. He has always smoked, but tends to chain-smoke during stressful times in his life. He's attempted to quit several times, but hasn't managed to kick the addiction. He also has a fondness for icecream, strawberry being his favorite flavor (and scent, as he prefers to buy all of his lotions, shampoos, and lubricants in strawberry). Chocolate milk is another vice, having picked up the love for this drink from Calamari. During depressing times in his life, Tortellini turns to alcohol, a drink that he says he can't stand. His favorite body part is his third leg (a part that is often injured while flirting with others) and his favorite color is crimson. He has very poor eyesight, and is legally blind without his glasses. Ability *Rapid healing One of the earliest experiments done on Tort was designed to enhance his healing abilities. The object of it all was to be able to loose a finger, a hand, an arm, an internal organ, and be able to heal rapidly, reattach the body part without medical aid, or to be able to regrow a new one in it's place entirely. But, the testing happened during Tort's puberty and the entire thing went horribly wrong, the serum going straight to his reproductive organs. They tested it a total of four times, one for each limb, and found them all to be unsuccessful. His ability to regrow this body part wasn't discovered until his encounter with TTT that ultimately ended in his castration by Avalon. Alternates * In AU, Tort is a Calamity worker, and is in a relationship with Addison. * During the short lived Alter-Realm RP, Tort was an incubus. This character was inspired by an older one named Elliot, as well as Fry, Joey, and a few other male characters of whom I'll list when/if I remember them. Category:Faggots Category:Captains Category:Calamity Category:Parent Category:Gaian Category:Cyborgs